Don't Judge What You Know Nothing About

Since I got home from class today I've:

1. Taken one child to OT and Speech. 
2. Made a trip back to school quickly to handle a situation that could've been handled in person the hour earlier, but hey, who doesn't have the time for this?
3.  Drove back, picked up child from OT/ST to get his blood drawn for genetic testing. 
4. Held screaming child who literally was crying, "SOMEONE HELP ME" while getting his necessary blood draw. 
5. Feel like a terrible mom holding child down.
6. Started towards the grocery store to buy supper
7. Detour to home half way there due to the other child coming down with a nearly 105 degree temp and screaming non stop
8. Called the doctor 
9. Helped while the second child threw up
10. Lost patience with 1st child who was just being 5 at a moment when being 5 wasn't helpful
11. Felt like a terrible mom again
12. Let 1st child play video games as a reward for blood draw and because keeping your cool is nearing impossible 
13. Talk to the doctor on the phone 
14. Head for the clinic
15. Put child in car seat
16. Remembered we should probably bring a bucket with us and called dad to bring it down. The 20ft walk was too long and as if scripted, child #2 vomited all over his car seat. 
17. Took him out of the car seat 
18. Changed him in the back of the car while dad adjusted the older child's car seat to fit
19. Pulled the soiled car seat out and handed to dad
20. Drove to the doctor with screaming child
21. Walked into the doctor with screaming child, and checked in. 
22. Child smell like vomit, feel like a bad mom for having the vomit smelling child
23. Sat in the waiting room with screaming child and a vomit bag. 
24. Fell like a bad parent while others glared over at my inability to calm screaming child
25. Went back to talk with the doctor...fever still 102 and he's writhing in pain.
26. Attempted to understand everything the doctor told me. We had an obvious communication barrier of background noise. 
27. Picked up screaming child, blanket, sippy cup, AND routing slip to go to xray
28. Felt like terrible parent as we got glares from the entire hospital on the walk to xray
29. Sat with screaming child in xray waiting. 
30. Felt like terrible parent as we got stared at in xray waiting
31. Undressed screaming child to prepare for xray. 
32. Held down screaming child for xray.
33. Feel bad as child yells your name to hold him and you can't.
34. Picked up screaming child now wearing only a diaper, his clothes, blanket, sippy cup AND routing slip and headed to lab. 
35. Feel like a bad mom while walking through hospital with now naked child
36. Greeted the lab people we'd just seen 1.5 hours earlier with a different child. 
37. Held down a screaming child while he got the necessary blood work (the same blood work he had 2 days ago). 
38. Felt like a terrible parent holding my child down to be hurt by someone
39. Picked up everything YET again, with an even louder screaming child and headed back up 3 floors to the waiting room. 
40. Sat in waiting room with a screaming child. This time we were the only one's there. 
41. Screaming child's medicine finally kicks in and he falls asleep. 
42. Mommy and now peaceful sweet little child nestled in for some very rare cuddle time.
43. I LOVE him so much. 
44. Actually communicated with the doctor about the fact that child will be ok and needs a prescription
45. Headed home. 
46. Dropped off child with dad 
47. Left home childless to go get something for supper and pedialyte. 
48. Feel guilty for leaving dad with sick child and crazy busy child
49. Bought pedialyte from the store
50. Gave up on supper ideas and had dad order pizza
51. Headed back to the pharmacy to pick up prescription
52. Picked Up pizza and went home. 
53. Came home to 2 tired/cranky/and hungry children. 
54. Feel guilty your child isn't getting supper until way past their bedtime
55. Bedtime routine for both children

I'm now lying on the couch with a "beverage" and breathing for the first time in hours...something I don't typically allow myself the time to do. And by the way my house is a disaster and sick child will probably still be up half the night. Oh, and the car seat still needs cleaning and I'm sure we will have more dirtied laundry overnight. So in 15 minutes the work will continue, because it has to.

When  you're judging someone else about their ability to fit right into "your" ideal schedule. When you're setting deadlines earlier than needed that they are telling you they can't make. When they literally tell you to please give them the work so they can do it. Please think about the fact that you know nothing about what goes into their everyday life. You know nothing about the balancing act that is raising two young children both with health conditions, graduate school, and work. You know nothing about the guilt that goes into not being able to be the perfect mom AND student because its not possible. You don't know that every morning I wake up after the average 3-4 hours of sleep (if that) and have to remind myself that its all for the best in the long run, because without that reminder I'd fall straight to the floor in tears. You don't know what its like to know that failing at this point would leave you with the inability to properly care for your children. You don't know how hard it is to stay upbeat, cheerful, and not want to bang your head on the table when you're sitting in class knowing your child needs you now but also knowing your child needs you to be in class. You can't possibly understand because you've never been there. Instead of judging and making assumptions, maybe communicate with them. Collaborate actually, because the person who can balance the above list of everyday life and feel mostly "normal" about it....can easily do what's asked of them if actually given the chance.